Fam Fatalitees - Never Fucked My Daddy

(I am not gonna link a picture for this album because I couldn't find any that didn't have two dudes jerkin' each others dicks off o-kay?)

This is my first review in a long time but let me say it will be a good one it might even say your life.

This band is so bad you will probably wonder if this CD was made for anything besides for unheteros to jerk each others dicks off to and let me tell you it wasn't. I did my best to get through the CD so I could actually review it (cuz I always listen to the full CD before coming to a decision, I am a professional) and let me tell you it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. (Yes I have performed an abortion before.)

What is wrong with this CD you might asking me? Well if two twin brothers who have unhetero relations with each other (incest? or just sickening faygness? probably both.) over synthesizers and 2808s from the 60s doesn't sound like a bad idea to you maybe you should find a new review peoples.

Anyways most of the songs on this CD sound exactly the same (nasty) and the band uses a lot of San Diego Sound (gay capital of the world if you didn't know) and it would be a really bland CD by itself but the two fagets in the band turn up the unhetero to 11, making it much more shit.

Unless you eat a lot of Frisco prepared foods and are a "Vega" you probably won't like this CD so don't even listen to two seconds of it.

Seriously.

Final Score: Gay Incest Sex/10

Beirut - March of the Zapotec/Realpeople - Holland EPs

Okay so I am back from blog-writing vacation. I went to Mexico to check out all the cool Mexican music, and found this gem for you.

Beirut's March of the Zapotec EP is a lo-fi (because Mexicans can not afford good recording equipment) piece of music. There are lots of trumpets and shit. It's pretty sweet. The guy singing has a really nice voice, but I don't like the fact that he is singing everything in Mexican. I dunno, I just think that if they are trying to appeal to American audiences by stealing their music (in disc 2, which I will get to in a moment), they should try singing in English.

Anyway, the songs on March of the Zapotec are nice and they are certainly good, but they are just not great. A couple memorable melodies and some cool horn parts, but other than that, not a whole lot of what their previous full-length, The Flying Club Cup, such a great fucking album.

The Realpeople Holland EP is the better part of the whole thing, though it's pretty stupid because main singer/songwriter, Jack Condom, wants us to think Realpeople is a completely different fucking band just because he is using electronics instead of accordions and trumpets and other wacky bullshit. Fuck you, Jack, this is a Beirut EP.

Anyway, electronic things. It's nice. The vocals are nice, the melodies are nice, the harmonies are nice, the synths are nice. Everything about it is nice. What I don't get though, is why there is no FL Slayer anywhere here. If he uses FL Studio like 100% of electronic music musicians who make electronic music, he should be using the fuck out of FL Slayer, and it is mind-boggling that he does not.

Anyway, here are the scores:

Beirut - March of the Zapotec
7/10

Realpeople - Holland
8.6/10

PARTY ROCK - LMFAO

EVERYBODY ON SMASH, HANDS IN THE AIR,
I'M FEELIN' ON THAT ASS, LIKE A NIGGAH DON'T CARE!
LIKE A NIGGAH DON'T CARE!

FINAL SCORE: 1000000000/10

White Guys Humping - My Indickerance To It All

AL-RIGHT O-KAY REVIEW TIME TO-DAY!

This is a review of a CD with a stupid name but it is okay. It is kinda mellow but it is a pretty bro friendly CD and chicks might find it somewhat cumpelling idk wet pussy etc. etc. This band is a lot like the Bear Naked Ladies which is cool they are a bro band.

Generally I do not like CDs with introspectional bullshit but this one is passable. I think if you like indie bullshit you might like this. The guy who does the songs is fat so he definitely isn't a skinny faget and you won't look unhetero for listening to him.

One problem though is the band name, "White Guys Humping?" Come on man it's kind of funny at first but then it's just like why the fuck man. How will you ever get booked anywhere but gay bars with a name like that? And the lead singer is named like Cameron Cocke or something.

OH SHI-

I just realized that that CAMERON COCKE and the CAMERON CLARK who writes for this website might be the same person!!!

And if they are...

That means...

The person who criticizes tons of shitty bands is actually a shitty band himse-

Everything I have been living is a lie.

Guys...

I think I have to quit this website.

FINAL SCORE:
APRIL FOOLS/!!!

Don't download this CD, it will soil your opinion of Cameron.

Yusuf - Roadsinger (To Warm You Through The Night)

The last time we heard from Yusuf (formerly known as Cat Stevens), he was denied entry into the United States because president Bush found out that he is a terrorist. Well now that we have a terrorist president, it seems Yusuf's music has been allowed back into these Unites States, which I am cool with, I guess.

Normally one would expect Al Queida music to be angrier and have more, like, arab instruments, but this is some hippie folk music shit, which is weird.

The songs are pretty well written for a guy who spent the last 30 years riding camels through the desert and plotting 9/11. "Thinking 'Bout You" is a nice little folky pop song in the vein of some of his older hits as Cat Stevens. One would think it is just a love song, but if you look at the lyrics closer you can tell it is about the pagan hundu god Mohammad.

There are some more hippie songs about how we should all love each other and how Muslim is a pretty cool guy and shit. Overall it is a pretty nice album.

Score:
10/10

Kings Of Lion - Only By The Nig

O-kay sorry I have again not reviewed in long time I have been busy having a life and stuff like you know I make music for cool guys myself so don't hold me down for not being able to find albombs to review o-kay? I am also having trouble finding new al bums to review but I found one.

Now this CD for music did come out roughly twelve years ago but the radios are just now picking up the single and playing it ALL FUCKING DAY. Yoooooo your sex is on fire? More like oooooh I need to shut the fuck up now.

O-kay so how is the CD? I am listening to it right now and it has a variety of positives and negatives. One is that all the people in the band look like faygs, and you can tell that just by hearing the CD since most people who make this kind of music do but some of them get pussy so whatever to each his own. But it's funny that that is true because the lead singer sings like macho man randy savage or bob hope or that guy Matthew Perry. Not Matthew C. Perry just Matthew Perry you asshole.

Positives about the CD include that unlike most faggy bands like this the music is not played at a Sonic the Hedgehog level that hurts my ears. These songs are not emphasisiseroed with hiss or anything which is nice because if the music is going to be terrible it should at least not cause me physical pain to listen to. Another positive is all the songs have really short names so if you want to emphasees how much you hate a particular song on this CD (even though they all sound the same) it will be esay for you to do so.

The funny thing about this CD is that even though all the songs on it pretty much suck they are all radio singles that get played back to back in a "Music For Pussies" hour on every radio station even ones that don't play this bullshit. If it was just a shitty CD I'd be okay but don't make me hear it so much on the goddam radio okay?

To be truthful this CD will get you SOME pussy from indian bitches, but not as much as the Tokyo Police Clobs which is much more obtuse and bitches respect the obtuse factor and this CD is too mainstream.

Final Score:
3/4


Jdskfkr!

Bon Iver - Blood Bank EP

So this Bon Iver guy. I guess he hid in a Lincoln Log cabin in the middle of Alabama or some shit to record his first album about a chick leaving him and how his life is a black hole. Well I guess he is back with a new EP this year. Hooray (that was sarcasm).

Well Blood Bank is pretty much more of the same. You know, "hey look at me I'm singing in falsetto like Tiny Tim isn't that so zany" kind of shit over acoustic guitars. The songs are typically boring with lyrics that don't make any sense whatsoever. Example:

I'm up in the woods, I'm down on my mind/I'm building a still to slow down the time - Bon Jovi

That is from the song "Woods" in which those are the only words. Repeated for like 10 minutes, covered in autotune because the guy can't sing (unlike Mark McGrath who just uses it to make cool sounds). Apparently Bon Iver got to listen to the new Animal Collection album before it came out so he could bite their dumb, repetitive style. And how long is this guy gonna attempt to cash in on that "I'M RECORDING SONGS ON MY MACBOOK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS" gimmick, anyway?

The most obnoxious moment on this EP though, is the song "Babys" which has this really obnoxious piano tinkling around forever, driving me crazy. Not to mention the title is spelled wrong. What an idiot, right?

I'm trying to think of something positive to say about this EP. Gimme a minute.

Oh, yeah, the song "Beach Baby" has some slide guitar and that is pretty cool.

Anyway, if you are into boring indie music for indie girls with flowers in their hair, ironic sunglasses and pregnant woman shirts I guess you will like this extended play by the band Bon Iver.

Score:
2.1.4/10

Mount Eerie - Wind's Poem

I am not going to lie. I am not a fan of black metal. I have had bad experiences with both black metal and the man who wrote the songs on this album, who will not be named for his own sake. You see, the singer of this band, who for the sake of his anonymity I will call "John Smith" broke my laptop with black metal. It makes me very angry so I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Anyway, this album is alright I guess, for being part of such a bad genre. There are a lot of loud guitars and shit. I just don't think it can be called black metal. I mean, John Smith does not scream or yell or gurgle or anything, which is pretty much what black metal is known for. He just kind of talks over guitars. Like he is talking to someone while the music is recording. Because of this, I think I am going to call it "conversation metal." I used to enjoy his cool vocal stylings, but then he broke my laptop. But hey man, bygones are bygones and shit. It's just pretty messed up that he did that to me.

There's a song on this album that I was listening to once called "Through The Trees" and it was just kind of going on and on for like an hour, being droney and shit. I was like "what the fuck, John, hurry up and do something else" but then I looked at the cd player and saw that it was just frozen. You may be saying that that was my fault, but maybe if I didn't have to spend all my money on fixing my laptop I would have been able to buy a real copy of the album instead of making a burned one with mp3s I downloaded. But whatever man, that's neither here nor there.

Overall, the album is alright. Kind of. Maybe. I guess.

Score:
__/10

I have decided to withhold giving it a final score until John pays me back my $800 or, like, sends me a signed vinyl copy (vinyl is strictly for cool guys like me) of this album and, like, a tape of him doing various interpretations of the song "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John.

Ball's in your court, John.

Dr. Massive Weave - Bedside Manner II

O-kay sorry it has been a minute since my last review, I'm sure all two of you who subscribe to this blog really gave a fuck that I didn't write a review for like a day or two. But fuck you guys you don't deserve an apology you fucking fagets because neither one of you commented on how GREAT the banner I made was so why don't you unsubscribe now you ungreatful cock burns.

O-kay on to the review. Today I have a special treat for you guys like short bus special this shit is silly as fuck.

Basically no one will know who this is but I am reviewing a CD by this gay kid who constantly tries to hit me up for music lessons, nudes, and my phone number, but I don't give him any of that shit because I only like girls. So when he found out that I am into shit with vaginas he actually tried to go out and get one himself. Pretty pathetic right?

His "band" (which is basically just him, a vibrator, and Oprah Winfrey's pubic hair made into a burka) is called Dr. Massive which is funny when you consider that he has a really small penis. The CD is called Bedside Manner II which means not only has this shitty fucking band had more than one CD album for musical purposes but that this is a direct sequel to some bullshit fucking Alien Versus Predator II (but not as good) style.

Okay on to how it actually sounds basically this kid tries as hard as he can to impress me by sounding like a real girl but you're not fooling anyone pinnutsackio you sound stupid as shit like are you singing or just talking into a microphone?

This CD will not appeal to anyone, not your bros, not your bitches, nobody except maybe your unhetero cousin who you wish wasn't in the family. Luckily the CD is only 8 tracks long and one of the songs is a Nine Inch Nails cover and there's pretty much no way to make that faget sound anymore terrible, especially not now since he's fat huh guys?

The only real use for this CD is to go to pro wrestling events and play it so everywhone who likes pro wrestling will know how stupid and unhetero they are, or you could maybe take it to a gay pride parade (seriously how is that shit even legal) and remind them that they are not in God's plan and thus they can't make music that anyone can actually stand listening to.

In fact I know Cameron didn't really like that Green Day CD but if you have to choose between buying that and downloading this for free I would say buy that just because you will get a lot of PHO ANARCHRIS pussy for owning it.

FINAL SCORE: TRANNY ALERT/10

I just remembered there is one good song off this CD and you can see the music video for it right here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iw3r9gteZow

The Decemberists - The Hazards of Love

For the past however many years they have been together, Detroit's own Decemberists have been writing gay little folk songs about stupid Mary Poppins shit like chimney sweeps and how chief singer and songwriter, Jeff Magnum, wanted to be a Broadway actress ever since he was a little girl. Well no more.

The Hazards of Love is by far the most badass thing they have ever done, which still might not sound very badass to you, but believe me, it is. It starts off with like 10 minutes of organ drone, which is awesome. It's like Magnum is saying "FUCK YOU AUDIENCE, I DON'T NEED YOU. I'M GONNA MAKE MY METAL ALBUM AND YOU CAN'T DO SHIT."

Oh, did I mention that this is a metal album? I read on a top secret cool guy website that the actual genre is "stoner metal" but subgenres are for nerds, so we'll just call it metal.

And not only is the album metal, but it is also a concept album. A concept metal album. Fuck yeah. And the story itself is fucking badass too. It's, like, about a deer man who kills all his kids, kidnaps a fine ass bitch, rapes her, and drowns her or something. It's awesome.

However, there are some moments of pussitude. For example, when singer Magnum name drops the name of the chick from a Japanese animation called Snoradora.

"And so our heroine withdraws to the Taiga" - Jeff Magnum

But I guess it's alright since from the first 10 Decemberists albums we had already concluded that Magnum was a gigantic nerd anyway.

Score:
10/10

Death Magnetic - Metalica

Okay let me just starting by saying I am a huge Metalica fan me and my bros all love them in a hetero way if you don't believe me just try googling "Metallica" and "Wikipedia" I made both of those websites.

But yeah I am a big Metalica fan but I have to say this CD is a fucking letdown. Death Magnetic? Really Metalica? Maybe you should just call your CD 12th Grade Geometry Explosion or something cuz that is a gay as fuck CD name. I mean what the fuck does it even mean Metalica? Probably some fucking plate alignment three suns bullshit and I am sick of these fucking "metal" bands trying to get all scientifical and MATHCORE on me, fuck you guys, I am not listening to this shit to like, think about things and know intellectual facts. If it isn't printed on the back of a basketball card odds are I don't give a fuck!

This CD is a lot like Metalica's other CDs but also a lot different. It is kind of like this take any other Metalica CD that was ever made and call it coke then fill it up with ice and let it set for 3 days and you pretty much have this CD. Yeah that's right Metalica, I'm calling you out, this CD is watered down bullshit.

In fact you guys might as well go ahead and change you're name to just Meta because you're seriously about half the band you used to be I lost all respect for you guys you used to rock hard then you got all old and fucking lame. Could any of the members of Metalica (or Meta as I am sure they will choose to be called from now on) play in the Superbowl? No. Even Pete Wangz from Fallout Bitch could do that you fagets, maybe you should have spent less time suing people and being pussies and spent more time making sure you didn't forget how to make the goddam metal music.

In fact Metalica I hope everyone who has heard this CD got it off Naptakers or Lamewarez because this fucking CD blows and you don't deserve to make a penny off of it you fucking dicks.

FINAL SCORE: LISTEN TO LIL WAYNE INSTEAD/10


PS this CD will not get you pussy because Metalica are a bunch of old fagets and bitches only like old guys with money and these dooshbags spent all that on suing people for downloading their old good music and then came out with a fuck poor CD like this which is unhetero and probably made TWO FUCKING DOLLARS.

Green Day - 21st Century Breakdown

Now I know what you're all thinking right now. "Cameron, I thought you were a cool guy with only the finest and hippest of tastes? Why would you review something as lame and unhip as Green Day?" Well shut up douchebag, I'm getting to that.

Green Day used to be good. Just kidding. They were always bad, just they used to have a couple good songs here and there and didn't take themselves as srsly. Now they think they are Jesus of Suburbia and all their songs have to have deep intellectual and conceptual meanings behind them. And that is pretty gay.

21st Century Breakdown is Green Day's 342nd album, though it is only their second in what I see as a long line of unlistenable and laughably srs albums about how the government is bad. It follows the story of two young lovers who-... you know what, I don't even know what it's about. Not that it matters since it's Green Day, so you know it's gonna be something stupid and preachy.

Unimportant story aside, the music bothers me. On many different levels. Like, pretty much every song I feel that I have heard before on the radio. In the late '90s, early '00s. 2000s. Two thousands.

Anyway, not only that, but every song fucking starts off the same. Billy Joel Armstrong singing a nice little melody over a piano or acoustic guitar or something, then the drums coming in all DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN and then fucking CUE THE POWERPOP PUNXK ROCK POWERCHORDS TO MAKE THE TEENAGE GIRLS WET. Which is a cool little trick I guess for a bit, but every single fucking song in the first half of the album starts off like that.

And the album is fucking long. Like, rap album long. Just unlike your average 70 minute long rap album, this is not fun or entertaining at all. Well I guess "Know Your Enemy" was supposed to be the cool, fun anthem of the album (it was the first single), but it's just annoying. Solid 3 minutes of the same obnoxious guitar riff, some whoa whoa whoas and Billy Joel's vocals reaching 98898989 on the shit scale. Thankfully though, the song is saved by one of the most interesting, melodic and complex guitar solos I have ever heard.

Overall, this album is one of the most mediocre I've ever heard. Green Day should go back to making songs about masturbating to pay-per-view porn. Or maybe that was another band. I don't give a fuck.

Score:
3.5/10

MANLESS SELF IDENTITY - IF YOU LIKE THIS CD BUY IT

O-kay it's time for yet another review by yours truly and today I have quite an interesting concept album for which I am to be reviewing. The CD is by a band that most people call MSI because their stupid ass name is too fucking long for anyone who is the least bit hetero to say. I mean SUPER BOWL is really the point of syllaballic stopping for me if you have more syllables than the super bowl fuck you.

But that is not to say this is a bad CD it's just an unhetero band name o-kay? Basically I have heard every other Mind Lease songs and shit including this CD because when I review a band's album I want to know if it is their best album because really I am a tough guy and I don't have time to review bullshit. It is safe to say that this is their best attempt at doing anything anyone will want to listen to and really it shows. This album has a lot more thoughtful and tough elements to it compared to their other CDs this CD is a lot less about sucking dick and a lot more about getting pussy and beating people up and also wearing smoking jackets and just being a lot more settled into manhood than that fagety experiment with boys bullshit this band is known to put out. This CD even has piano which is a pretty manly instrument (if you don't believe me google "Beethoven" mad pussy guys mad pussy) and I guess Jimmy Uran (I think he's a middle easterner but not the terroist kind) actually learned an fucking instrument for this CD.

Just look at the CD sales if you don't believe me how many copies a CD sold is equivalency to how many bitches own it and who will suck your dick if you like bands they like so yeah.

Another good thing about this CD is the band finally takes themselves seriously and if you go see them play live (faget) you will notice that Jimmy Uran no longer feels the need to tell a shitty joke between each song, now it has been relieved to a shitty joke between every five songs and that's good. Also this CD is a lot shorter than their others (30 songs? come the fuck on guys I could paly a game of football with that much time on my hands or fuck like 2 or 3 chicks) and that is a high point for me.

Needless to say that while this is their best CD and I like it a lot and it might get you girls, this band is still complete and utter shit and if you like music like this you could buy an album or two from a better band in the same style (Electric Suicide Method anybody?) so yeah in closing I give this album a final solution of this:

FINAL SCORE: O-kay But Still Kind Of Shitty/20

You can find better music than this band here:

BETTER BAND'S MYSPACE

Animal Collective - Bank of America Pavilion

I'm not gonna beat around the bush here folks. This album is a fucking mess. Everything about it. From the stupid music that doesn't make any sense to the stupid album art that looks like a 300x300 pixel piece of wallpaper that you would find on the bedroom walls of a drug-smoking hippie. But this is about the music, so I will talk about that.

The songs mostly consist of synthesizers beeping and booping and all that gay shit for what seems like forever. The singers, Tex Avery and Koala Bear have nice voices, but all they really do is sing the same thing over and over and over and over again over the beeping and booping. It is gay and stupid and I do not like it at all.

The biggest problem I had with this album, however, is not how bad the music itself is. No, it was the worst lyric I have ever heard in my entire life. From the song "My Girls":

"I don't mean to seem like I care about material things like a social status/I just want four walls and adobe slats for my girls" - Koala Bear

What the fuck. A social status is not a material thing at all. This guy is dumb. He should go back and finish high school or something (and then get a real job, because music is clearly not his thing).

Anyway, there are some songs that are kind of alright, like "Also Frightened" which sounds kind of like they're covering a Beach Boys or Beatles song or some shit, but then just looped one line for the entire song and cut out the rest. I am listening to this song, and it is like:

"No one should call you a dreamer, no one should call you a dreamer, no one should call you a dreamer, no one should call you a dreamer, no one should call you a dreamer, no one should call you a dreamer, no one should call you a dreamer, no one should call you a dreamer, no one should call you a dreamer, no one should call you a dreamer"

I thought the mp3 was broken or something, but when I got up to change the song after listening to the same line for 10 minutes, the song finally ended. Every single song on this album is completely ruined by the fact that the people making them are retarded and do not know how to write songs that do not have the same exact thing repeated for long periods of time.

Score:
1.4/10

Broken Clyde - I'm Not A Fan But Kids Think I'm Cool

O-kay another review by your boi Elle Mysinger toughest guy around this review is a review of this CD for music (big suprirse right?) by a band called Broken Clyde. Now it is funny because I was assuming that it was just some guy named Broken Clyde and that you know, it was only one guy like not more than one singlur no plurals. BUT it turns out that Broken Clyde is for example actually made up of like 700 members they are kind of like the Wu-Tang Clan but white and better at making good sounds that I like and the kids do too or so I'm told.

Now let me say at first I thought these guys looked like a bunch of unhetero assbites that I would never buy into but let me say I was wrong about them you cannot judge a magazine by the bikini girl or sports car with suicide doors on the cover this CD will not let you down if you like things by talented young gentlemen who just so happen to dress kind of whacky. I think maybe it is some kind of inside joke they have where they make fun of the vile unheteros by dressing like them in a mocking way maybe these guys have a lot of insight into culture like that.

You may be asking you what makes this CD so good and I am going to tell you right now. Not only can these guys sing but they can also yell. That to me is a big deal because there are some okay singers and okay yellers but very few of them have it down pat with such drive and energy as the fine young gentlemens in Broken Clyde. Another good part about this CD is they take a style of music which I am told is called screamo or "hardcore" which usually involves a bunch of pussies whining about bullshit only in a tough voice and combined it with some African Tribal style known as "crunk" which in the native tongs of the African people roughly means "Cool Music About Drinking A Lot Of Stuff And Then Having Sex With Underaged Girls." It is really cool that the Africans despite living in a ninth level of Hell country can sit around all day and think up words to shorten such a long and hard to type sentence.

So basically this CD is a lot of guys singing very well and screaming also very well about a lot of cool subjects such as like, drinking, having sex exclusively with women, doing drugs, drinking some more, having sex with more girls, and my favorite song "Scene Girlz" which I am not sure what the song is about but the z in the title told me before I even heard it that it was probably my favorite song on the CD.

The interesting thing about this album is that it has some songs that Broken Clyde had already released which were subpar but in order to make this CD worth my money the each of the members of Broken Clyde took voice lessons from R. Kelly and Will Smith as well as that guy from Slipknot so they would know how to do every vocal style you could want on this album.

Girls also like this CD a lot so that's good it is a lot like the Tokyo Hotel CD I reviewed earlier but all of Broken Clyde's fans are sluts (you can see proof on their page) so it's even easier to get laid with.

Before I give this CD a final score I want to let you know about my actual experience points with the song Scene Girlz me and my friends were sitting around watching professional wrestling (not that fake shit) and my friend asked me to put on some good music and I had the I'm Not A Fan But The Kids Think I'm Cool CD on my person (carrying it around in your puffy vest pocket makes you better with women they like this CD) so I put it in my stereo and my friends said "What is this faget unhetero nonsense" and I said just wait and it came to a part of the song where one of the fine young gentlemen in Broken Clyde says "I make you suck my... You thought I'd say dick, but I won't say dick, until you touch my dick" to me it is a feat in itself to be able to rhyme the word dick 3 times in one song and liek I just don't know how they came up with that quality of a timeless line and needless to say all my friends (and I have a lot of them) were hooked.

So in closing I would say this:

Final Score: Badass/10

PS they even got a real black person on this CD so you shouldn't even need a sample to know it's good black people know music O-kay?

DRAG ON FROCE - INHUMANE RAM PAGE

TODAY I AM BE REVIEWING A CD CALLED INHUMANE RAM PAGE BY THE BAND DRAG ON FROCE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS BUT I AM EXCITED FOR THIS REVIEW. FIRST THOUGH I HAVE TO SAY NORMALLY WE WOULD NOT REVIEW A SOUNDTRACK FOR SOME FUCKING KIDS CARTOON BUT DRAGON BALLS Z IS SUCH GOOD QUALITIES LIKE BEATING PEOPLE UP AND ORGASM SCREAMS THAT IT IS HAS BEEN O-KAYED FOR ADULTS. DID YOU KNOW IN THE UNCUT VERSION IT HAS BLOOD? YEAH ITS TRUE YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY DRAGON BALLS Z IS A LOT LIKE MY LIFE ANYWAY MORE ABOUT THE SOUNDTRACK.


I WILL WORN THOSE OF YOU WITH SMALLER AT TENT CHIN SPANS THAT THIS CD MAY NOT BE FOR YOU BECAUSE AS IT TURNS OUT EVEN THOUGH THE CD ONLY HAS 9 SONGS ON IT EACH SONG IS OVER 20 MINUTES LONG WHICH MEANS IF YOU LISTEN TO THIS WHOLE CD FROM FRONT TO BACK LIKE A WRECK CHORD IT WILL TAKE YOU LONGER THAN WATCHING ALL THREE LORDS OF THE RINGS WRESTLING MOVIE FILMS. BUT IF YOU ARE ABLE TO PAY ATTENTION YOU WILL HAVE A LOT OF FUN THERE IS A LOT OF FACE RIPPING METAL SOUNDS IN THIS CD LIKE PICTURE IF A HARDCORE BAND CAME OUT AND THEY MADE MUSIC WITH ACTUAL SINGING AND REAL INSTRUMENT PLAYING THAT DIDN'T SOUND LIKE SOMEONE WAS JERKING OFF CATS IN THE BACKGROUND LIKE IT'S SO AWESOME YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW O-KAY?

ONE CUM C.E.R.N. I HAD ABOUT THIS CD WAS THAT THE BAND WHO MAKED IT WAS EVEN THOUGH IT IS FOR DRAGONBALLS Z AN AMERICAN CARTOON WITH AMERICAN VALUES AND THE AMERICAN LANGUAGE THEY HIRED THIS BAND TO DO THE CD SOUNDTRACK AND THEY ARE FROM A PLACE CALLED LONDON, ENGLAND, WHICH IS LOCATED IN THE HEART OF NAZI GERMANY. IT TURNS OUT THOUGH THAT THE BAND IS NOT OPPOSED TO THE JEW WISH PEOPLE OR TO ANY RELIGION EXCEPT FOR RELIGIONS THAT DON'T BELIEVE IN DRAGONS. YOU MAY SAY "WHY WOULD I TRUST YOU" WELL FIRST BECAUSE I AM FAMOUS AND SECOND BECAUSE I DID MY RE: SEARCH O-KAY? I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT DO NOT QUESTION ME BUT NOW THAT YOU DID YOU PISSED ME OFF AND I AM END THE REVIEW.

FINAL SCORE: FUCK YOU/10

THIS IS A GOOD CD TO LISTEN TO DURING THE SUPER BOWL OF BASKETBALL MARATHON BUT YOU PROBABLY DON'T CARE SINCE YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOEL ABOUT EVERYTHING O-KAY GOD.

Sunn O))) - Monoliths & Dimensions

BRRRRRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZRRRTTTT

SCORE: 0/10

Sample song.

Elephant Shell - Tokyo Police Club.

O-kay today I am be reviewing an album for CD by the band Tokyo Police Club called Elephant Shell only I think that's a typo because the only animals I know with shells are turtles and M&Ms.

Basically there are two ways to listen to this CD and both of them will make you look like a faget but one of them will make you not a faget in the long running.

The first way to listen to this CD is by yourself or with men and that will make you look unhetero because this CD was obviously created for 14 year old girls and don't be stupid. You may be questioning yourself and saying "Well didn't you have to listen to this CD alone to review it?" and the answer is no you faget because I know girls.

The second way the good way the not as unhetero way to listen to this CD is with a girl if you know one LOL. I don't know why but like, some scientologist or something with science made this CD so that members of the female race would get very wet in the pussy if they heard it. So like, if you put this on with a girl around she will probably start sucking your dick but that is only if you can get a hard one despite the fact that this fucking unhetero gay parade soundtrack is still playing.

But I should warn you it will not work with all girls of the female race some girls will be too old or too stupid to understand the divine concepts this CD holds. O-kay I will explain it since I am sure you are too not good with girls to get these pictures. Basically there is a kind of girl she is called a hipster she is on the cutting edge of whatever's trendy. So like, a lot of times trendy stuff is bad and hipsters will like it more if it's bad like this CD so basically I just scientifically proved this CD equals mad pussy o-kay?

O-kay on the actual songs. Cameron sometimes reviews each individual song on an album for compact diskette (bet you didn't think I knew what CD stood for huh?) but there is a problem here with me doing that because all of these fucking songs sound exactly the same. I am pretty sure they aren't even in any practicular order on the CD they come on I think it is just ordered by how unhetero each song will make you feel when you hear it. All the songs are about feelings and the songs that aren't don't exist and that's unhetero man. Can I get a song about the Super Bowl or motorcycles or some Dragonfroce you faget?

Basically I will try to describe it for you before you buy the album for contracted disks so you will know what to expect. Think about how it would feel if someone hit theirself in the dick only it happened in your ears that is pretty much this CD. The good thing about that though is if someone hits theirself in the dick and a girl is around she will put her lips on it to ease the injury because girls are nice and definitely don't ever refuse to have sex or go to prom with you.

So in close I would say this CD will have to take two grades because it is shitty for listening to but good as an afro dee seeack so you should try it if you aren't old enough to buy viagra or if your parents won't give you their credit card so you can buy scientifically formulated phereomeons on the internet. I mean this CD is practically one of those itself so deal with it and save some money o-kay? A cool guy is always down to save money. Take your bitch to McDonald's, Olive Garden is inutero.

FINAL SCORE: 12/10

I don't know where you can buy this CD so you will have to find it yourself I am not just gonna tell you how to unlock the ultimate gate way of getting pussy this isn't FUCKING DRAGONBALL Z.

O-Kay First Review. Ryemaker And THe Sky Pirates - Attack Of The Has-Bean Androgyns Or Some Bullshit.

O-Kay let me just start by saying this review is maybe become a little out of hand like, it is a crazy album o-kay? I have to be crazy to keep up with how out there it is.

It is a lot of deep intellectual savantism and like, there is some electronica Elvis Presley and like, feel good vibes like maybe the CD was made with voodoo magic or jewery.

Basically to understand the CD you are going to have to know the backstory, which I hate about this because like, I am buying your music, if I want fucking stories I will read Angels and Demons or like, Call Of The Cuttlefish or something o-kay?

Basically there is this guy Ryebold or something and like, only he isn't realy a guy he is some alien man who looks like a woman and covers Rick Astraly songs or whoever that guy is.

Well I don't know the backstory is fucking gay basically all you really need to know is like, there is that guy who looks like he's not a guy and he has some backup musicians (I don't think they actually play the instruments it might be staged) and they go around playing at intergalactic shopping malls on airships or something.

So already you can tell it is not a very tough CD for a tough guy to listen to but stay with me here. There are a lot of good and variety of songs on thesis CD but the only problem is they all sound exactly the same because they use all the same instruments like synthesizers and stuff. Like come on guys can I get an instrument with a little culture like maybe you could hit a black person's lips with drumsticks and that could be good.

There is also like this song and I guess it is a redo or a do-over or something and well it's not too good. It is like they tried to play the song in hyperspeedy mode on Guitar Hero and the song ended up being too fast like they are ripping off Dragonfroce with this shit seriously. Can I get a royalty check Reeboks And The Shoesalemens?

I guess for the CD I can give it maybe a 9/10 because it is a good CD to purchase and show your friends how eclectic your tastes are and it is like a coffee table CD you could sit out during like football or when you watch porn with your bros. And if one of your boys asks why you own such a gay CD you can just be like "I know right? Isn't it funny. It was so gay I had to buy it because I was becoming too heterosexual and ladies thought I was too macho and cool to approach me so I bought that CD to cut it back a notch." and you will get in some chuckles and high fives and eat beer nuts.

O-kay lastly I just found out that Repo And The Computer Virus put out a song cover song of Rick Asteley (earlier that was a joke I didn't know it was treu) and like that originally is a tough song. I think it makes a lot of girls wet in the pussy to hear and I was figuring that the Stone Temple Pilots might could do it justice but I was wrong. It turns out on this track Remmick or whatever his name is (I don't think it's his real name folks don't worry) pretends to be some unhetero character named Rick Fagsly. You can think of him kind of as Rameon from Rameon And Juliet only Juliet is really named Julio. Stupid stuff I know. Total let down. There is a video for it too so if you are into unhetero pornos you may like it but I don't suggest it if you appreciate like, the Super Bowl or fine arts like that stuff.

So in closing I guess because of the Travisty they did on the song by Rick Chocolateer I have to lower their score considerably it's like when Kobee raped that girl and so they made him sit out a game or two and the Raptors lost the Grand Prix.

Final Score : P/100

The CD is so bad you can get it here for free from the US Governement (Good guys, good healthcare too) but don't say I didn't warn you it might give you AIDS I don't think the USDA tested this CD for gay rays or any other harmful pathological diseases:

THEIR MISPLACE.COM PAGE

HELLO ELLE MYSINGER HERE.

From this point forward Cool Music For Cool Guys is not just cool reviews by one cool guy cool cool.

It is double the cool, cool points everywhere, two cool guys, bro comedy starring Seth Rogen and Michael Cera direct by motherfucking George Lucas and that jewish faggot who made Supergood.

You might know me as the greatest musician on the internet and planet Earth.

You can tell all of my reviews will be well rounded and fair already because you know me because I'm famous and like, why would I lie?

Plus it is so obvious I have good mastery of the subject of music like, I have been listening to like Chopin and Red Foxx records since I was in the womb so I think I know what I'm doing.

O-kay?

My will be reviewing albums that Cameron cannot accurately review due to he is a huge faggot.

Thank you and have a nice evening.

Soulja Boy - Gangsta Grillz Follow Me Edition Mixtape

When "Crank That" hit the internets and radios two years ago, Soulja Boy Tell 'Em was immediately branded a one hit wonder by haters and jealous fucks worldwide. Not too long after that, "Kiss Me Thru The Phone" and "Turn My Swag On" from 2008's follow-up album, iSouljaboytellem proved them all to be VERY wrong. The album itself was not as much of a commercial success as 2007's Souljaboytellem.com, but listening to it, it is clear that that was a marketing mistake ("Bird Walk" was picked as the first single for some reason). In fact, it was much better than its predecessor.

Gangsta Grillz Follow Me Edition Mixtape shows Soulja Boy continuing to improve. And when I say improve, I mean all around improvements. Not only have his lyrics improved ("I'm official/I'm official like a referee with a whistle), but so have his hooks (the autotuned chorus of "Pronto" is especially great). But the biggest and most noticeable improvement is in his flow. On his previous albums, Soulja Boy tended to keep his flow more or less the same, which, understandably, annoyed some people trying to take in the whole thing in one sitting. Here, Soulja Boy switches it up more, even going for rapid-fire speed rapping that brings to mind rappers like Tech N9ne and Twista ("Pow" and "What You Know").

Soulja Boy does pretty much whatever the fuck he wants on this mixtape. Which is both a good and bad thing. On one hand, it's great because finally we get to hear Soulja Boy freely using obscenities (something that was sadly missing from his first two albums). On the other hand though, there is also a bunch of pointless filler, including a scene (literally) ripped directly out of a South Park episode, and a couple tracks of Soulja Boy, I'm assuming high on marijuana, saying nothing in particular. Also the production quality isn't that great. I think Soulja Boy actually mixed it himself or some shit, which isn't bad. It could use a better mix though. Or some shit. I guess what I mean is I would like to listen to it loudly without all the clipping and overly loud vocals sounding like dick on my speakers.

Either way, for just being a mixtape, this is pretty fucking good. And for a preview of what Soulja Boy's next studio album, The DeAndre Way, it is a good ass reason to be excited. Not only is he steadily improving as a rapper, I believe that he may be on his way to being the best.

Score:
8.7

Ps. here is a link to where you can legally stream and/or download the whole thing.

Sonic Youth - The Eternal

What is it with kids these days and making obnoxious noises with their guitars? Well there's plenty of it on this up-and-coming band's debut album, The Eternal.

The album opens with "Sacred Trickster." I don't remember anything about it other than the fact that the female vocalist, Kim Deal, has the most godawful voice I have ever heard. The next song, "Anti-Orgasm" isn't much better, the male vocalist, Thurston Howell the Third, sounding beyond bored in his delivery. Like, he tries to sing like Bob Dylan. It is fucking mind boggling for me, hearing someone actually wanting to sound like Bob Dylan. Anyway, the "uh uh uh uh uh uh uh"s were fun, but the rest is pretty much anti-fun.

The best moments of the album are when there is no singing at all. The intros, outros and little midsong instrumental interludes are the only real enjoyable parts of this album.

Actually, I lied, there are three legitimately good songs. "Antenna," "Walkin' Blue," and "What We Know" find the band actually singing melodies instead of just kind of yelling over guitar noise.

Overall, the band shows some potential. If they develop their songwriting a bit instead of just trying to focus on sounding like shit, they could be a very good band.

Score:
4.4

PS. it was gonna be 3.4 but, c'mon, it's their first album, I should be going easy on them, right?

Sample: live performance of the song "Massage The History"

Sugar Ray - Music For Cougars

I'm not gonna lie here, folks. I had some pretty high expectations. Having heard their '90s smash hits "Every Day" and "Fly," I was thinking that Sugar Ray's new album, Music For Cougars, would be, by far the best album of 2009.

Well, I was wrong. Only kind of though. I was expecting a masterpiece full of Sublime-but-good songs, but what I got instead was a bunch of generic radio rock full of autotune. Gone is the lyrical genius of older songs ("I just wanna fly/put your arms around me baby"), replaced with shit that doesn't even make sense ("If you wanna see the rainbow you gotta sit through a little rain" what the fuck is this supposed to even mean?)

However, it's not all bad. The songs are catchy, and, as previously mentioned, covered in autotune, which is the best thing to ever happen to music.

I'm not gonna go into any of the individual songs because, well, none of them really stick out that much. Actually, "Rainbow" is a pretty nice, standout track (yeah, the one with the shitty lyrics). But yeah, other than that, it's just kind of bland, inoffensive pop-rock. Actually, the final song, "Dance Like Nobody's Watchin'" sounds like some kind of Jack Johnson bullshit, which does offend me.

Score:
5.5

Radiohead - In Rainbows

Do you remember where you were when you first heard the news? I do. I was sitting at my computer, looking at the internet. When I first read about it, my heart sank. I thought it was a joke. I HOPED it was a joke. But alas, it was true; Radiohead would be releasing a new album soon.

That was two years ago.

You may be wondering why I am reviewing this album so late and not doing something, you know, more recent. Well fuck you.

The album starts off with "15 Step", its only distinguishable feature being the fact that it is not in 4/4 time, which automatically makes it really special and interesting. Thom Yorke is in top form here, his voice and melodies both dull and aimless as ever. "Bodysnatchers" shows the band going back to their roots for a bit, returning to U2 cover band status. When asked by an interviewer why the song sounds like some bullshit from an iPod commercial, Thom Yorke replied with "Well Bono has always been my inspiration," "AND THE EDGE IS MY HERO I BASICALLY RIPPED OFF HIS PLAYING COMPLETELY FOR THIS SONG" chimed in Radiohead guitarist Jimmy Greenewoode.

Next is "Nude." At this point, I am noticing that the sound quality of this record is less-than-desirable. Could this be because they did not have the help of major record labels keeping their stuff from sounding like garbage? Or was it because I was listening to the whole thing on youtube on my laptop with the busted sound card? Sure, it may be the latter, but bad quality doesn't make things boring, and this song is fucking boring.

I'm actually not going to finish listening to this album. It's really pretty shitty.

Score:
2.1

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