Owen Pallett - Heartland

Okay so Heartland is the first album by Owen Pallett. I guess before this he made music for shitty Final Fantasy games. This is the first I've heard of him, but I guess that's because I'm not a nerd who plays RPGs and touches his penis to tentacle monsters and Japan like this guy.

I guess this is a concept album. I read that somewhere, but I forget where. It sounds like a concept album anyway. Or a fucking opera. OOH STRINGS SO DRAMATIC. LOOK IT'S PETER PAN ON A TIGHTROPE.

Gay.

"Mount Alpentine" is a pretty cool track. There are these really loud strings and the dude is yelling really loud so you can hear him over it. Too bad it's only like 40 seconds long, and when he finally gets through the giant cloud of strings and other bullshit he goes back to meandering along, mumbling over more orchestra shit. Wait, no, THERE SEEMS TO BE SOME SORT OF SYNTHESIZER. SO SPECIAL.

"Lewis Takes Action" is actually pretty alright. There's actually drums in it, and Pallett actually sings (kind of) on it. It actually sounds kind of like a song and not just a giant mass of Cats and Les Miserabadkfsfv garbage.

"The Great Elsewhere" consists of a bunch of beeping and booping. Fucking bori-HOLY SHIT THESE DRUMS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Okay nevermind this song is kind of awesome. I feel kind of dirty enjoying it though.

Okay the next song is kind of boring and not good. Thank God.

"Lewis Takes Off His Shirt" (while being a super gay song title) is an alright song. There are drums and, uh, wait a fucking minute. How far am I lowering my standards if I'm saying that every song I hear with drums is good just because there are drums? No, fuck you, I'm on to you, Owen Pallett, and you will not get away with this bullshit with me. I'm not even going to listen to the rest of this album. I'm so mad I think I will go outside and beat the shit out of the first small child I run into. And it's all your fault, Owen Pallett. FUCK YOU.

Final Score:
4/10