Alright, so anyone who reads this blog knows how I feel about Arcade Fire. Terrible band, but of course I'm woken up today by the UPS guy banging on my door. He hands me this package with this cd in it and I'm like "fuck this, no" but there is a note attached saying they need the promotion and will pay me a large amount of money to review it, so here we go.
From the first song you already know you have a winner of an album. I mean, it has all the ingredients- whiny vocals, whiny lyrics and a whole fucking lot of reverb. Speaking of lyrics, here is a gem I managed to pick up while trying to tune the whole thing out
"I want to have a daughter while I'm still young
I want to hold her hand" - Gerard Butler
It's great that the world is so accepting of pedophiles these days, what with this band's mainstream success, the worldwide weepfest over Michael Jackson's death and Playboy's latest interview with Peewee Herman. That was actually sarcasm, by the way. These are some sick fucks and the world has truly gone to shit if they're allowed to actually live let alone get rich. I could maybe understand if Arcade Fire made good music, but I'm listening to this album right now, and that is most definitely not the case.
Oh shit. I'm like halfway through the album now. I felt like I was just listening to longest, least interesting song ever written. Like someone did some science and figured out how to push the limits of boring into XTREME new territory and this was the result.
So every song is pretty much the exact same fucking thing. It goes on for ever and ever and ever and ever and goddammit, go away now, Arcade Fire. Just go away and never come back. Yeah dude, I know you can make BIG EPIC SONGS, but you've been sitting here showing me the same trick over and over again. I was kind of impressed the first time, but now it kind of seems like you're just desperate for attention. I'm serious here man, do something else or I'm leaving.
And they do something else. It only takes 3 hours of album for them to do it, but dammit, it happens. "Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)" sounds like some '80s Cyndi Lauper synthpop shit (in addition to their BIG EPIC ROFL sound that they don't want to give up ever), which is nice.
Actually, I think the problem is this dude's voice. He needs to just stop singing. You hear that, Gerard Butler? Stop singing. Let that one chick sing from now on. You're not worth hearing for a straight hour. Sorry bro, no hard feelings.
Final Score
Turd/10
lol turd/10 classic!
ReplyDeleteha-ha-ha i see you purposely got win butler's name wrong. just so you know, nothing about your "blog" is provocative, controversial, witty, or even remotely funny.
ReplyDeleteand no one's going to care if you stop listening to any of these bands you "review". actually, i would suggest you just stop listening to music all together.
good luck with life, idiot
I still haven't heard this album and I refuse to listen to it after reading this review. Thanks, Cam!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Jesus, their first two albums had powerful songs that drove to a point. Here, they're just whining about how oppressive life was in the horrible, horrible suburbs.
ReplyDelete"In the suburbs I learned to drive/
They said I'd never survive"
Right, it must have been terrible living a comfortable middle-class life in a decent neighborhood....
what a terrible terrible review. if you don't like arcade fire (which is laughable anyway) you would get a lot more respect and people may take you seriously if you could write a proper review. you are not witty, offensive or even remotely amusing. i think you are in the extreme minority of people who would call themselves 'music fans' with your opinions on this band. look at the artists who go miles out of their way to play with these guys (Springsteen and Bowie to name two). critically acclaimed wouldn't even start to explain how highly regarded they are. but wait, im just conforming aren't i?! shit. never mind. anyway please stop writing shit reviews. its starting to wind me up.
ReplyDelete