Tall Building breaks up

This is probably the worst news I've heard in the past couple years.

From their post on the Elephant Six Townhall:

We are very sad to inform you guys that Tall Building has broken up.

To be honest, it had been coming for a while now. Fights within the band during the recording of our last album were bad, but the VERY disappointing sales for Bermuda Adventure are just too much.

The rest of the members might go on to do other things. I don't even care anymore. I didn't even WANT to make Bermuda Adventure, so if these guys want to continue making their SELLOUT MAINSTREAM NICKELBACK SHIT fine by me. I'm out either way. Birdie would be appalled by what Buncen and Ricky have done to the band.

Thanks for listening,
Aspie Lispen and Tall Building

I've been trying to get some comments from the ex-members, but so far they're not answering. What the hell happened? I think I'm gonna be sick.

KFC - Double Down

To-day I will be doing something in-o-vative and in-spire-ing the likes of which you faygs haven't seen since Apple released the iPad. (There's my relevant, unoriginal joke for the day.) Instead of reviewing cool music for cool guys or unhetero music for unhetero guys, I am going to be reviewing something different entirely. A sandwich.

There has been a lot of controversy over this particular sandwich (called the "Double Down) probably because it sounds like a gay sex move involving three men. In one camp, you have the fucking PETA retards who hate anything good and spread propaganda about fast food saying shit like "It's bad for you" and "Don't eat cats and dogs." Let me ask you this you fucking PETA retards, if I spend a large chunk of my precious fucking time waiting on a WHITE WOMAN to fix my fucking dinner, aren't I retro-actively killing myself the same as if I just ate fast food, only in a different fashion? (Think hipster vs. goth.)

On the other side of this coin are black people, who FUCKING LOVE anything and everything fried chicken. While I wholeheartedly reccommend this sandwich (despite gay sex move name) to white people, black people need to stay way from it at all costs. It tastes pretty good if you're white, so if you're black this sandwich will probably react like fucking crack in your system and you won't be able to stop eating them.

Anyway on to the sandwich.

Basically it's two fucking pieces of fried chicken and some OTHER SHIT I don't care about because I love Fried Chicken. Eating this is like having sex with a woman who is all tits and ass, WHILE WATCHING THE SUPER BOWL. In fact, I would reccommend buying two of these bad boys, stacking them on top of each other and chowing down, just so you'll know what it's like to fuck two women and watch Superbowl 30 and 32 at the same motherfucking time holy shit I just creamed my Rocawear's.

Now if you're worried about negative health effects from eating this then DON'T BE. I found out that this sandwich actually has this cool thing where the more you eat the more weight you lose.

Just try eating seven of these bad boys and you'll puke more than you did the first time you performed a keg stand (probably lose about 20 pounds, see bulimia) I mean shit I'm selling this sandwich so hard KFC should put me in a commercial.

The only real downside is it gives me a headache, but fuck I get hammered every weekend and never bitch about a hang over, so who fuckin' cares?!

FINAL SCORE:

Evelyn Evelyn - Evelyn Evelyn

Evelyn Evelyn is the debut album from a band called Evelyn Evelyn. What an original fucking title, right? Not only do they name their band after their names, but they named their album after their band named after their name.

I'm not gonna lie here folks, this is pretty much the soundtrack to a shitty new Tim Burton movie (not Nightmare Before Christmas shit, think the Corpse Bride).

You know what the gayest thing about this album is though? Not the spoken word interludes, even though those are gay as fuck. No, it's the fact that the clearly male singers are both named Evelyn. I bet that shit's not even their real names. They were probably John and Steve or some shit, and had their names changed to Evelyn to live out their tranny mallgoth fantasies. Sick shit.

"Have You Seen My Sister Evelyn" is supposed to be one of those tin pan alley vaudeville fuckin songs like what Tiny Tim did or some shit. Just unlike Tiny Tim, these shemales seem like they're trying to attract the Hot Topic-shopping, Sweeney Todd-loving crowd by attempting to make this shit dark and edgy.

"Chicken Man" is probably the only good song on the album. That's really just because the lyrics are real good. Here are the lyrics

Chicken man, chicken man
lalalalal
chicken man, chicken man
lalalala

There's a bunch of spoken word bullshit. I'm assuming that's because it's supposed to have a plot, making this a concept album. And what are concept albums? That's right, GAY. Not only is it gay, but it's fucking boring. If I wanted to listen to a book on tape I'd listen to a goddamn book on tape.

Looking at Windows Media Player, I see that this particular spoken word track, "The Tragic Events Pt. II" is 11 minutes long. No thank you, that is quite enough of this nonsense.

Final score:
2/10

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH TALL BUILDING

It's a cold and rainy Sunday night when I walk into the Bluebird Cafe'. The members of indie band Tall Building are seated on the floor, legs crossed Indian style in a circle. One of the many singers and multi-instrumentalists in the band, Ricky Martini, is banging melodically on a set of bongos while Aspie Lispen, another of the many talented songwriters and vocalists, sings about kittens and existentialism. Birdie McSun, the man behind many of Tall Building's more melcancholy songs, is mysteriously absent. When I enter the room, they all stop what they are doing and stare at me. "Hello, I'm Cameron Clarke," I nervously explain to them, "I'm here to interview you."

Cool Music For Cool Guys: Hello Tall Building. This is my first interview with a band as popular and influential as you guys, so please excuse me if I get nervous and fuck something up.

Aspie Lispen: Don't worry. We know all about getting nervous and embarrassed.

CMFCG: Thank you.

So how are you all today? I know you were just playing a show here. How did that go?

Buncen Bern: Oh man, the dudes who run that place are real nice guys. They gave us free coffee! I'm telling you, that place has a fantastic atmosphere.

Ricky Martini: I don't drink coffee cause it is addictive. I would rather draw pictures and examine life.

CMFCG: So how did you guys end up meeting and forming a band?

AL: Well, Ricky and I met in Kindergarten. We met Birdie and Buncen in the fourth grade. We decided to form a band last year when we were out on a camping trip in the woods behind Kimya Dawson's house in Olympia, WA. We brought a 4 track and our ukuleles and recorded our debut EP, Branches, there, around the campfire.

CMFCG: And now you have a full-length out called Sailboats in the Forest. Could you tell us more about that? For example, where did the inspiration for the title come from?

RM: The name Sailboats in the Forest represents our struggle through life. It's like we have to sail through trees and shit, and it's near impossible.

CMFCG: That is pretty deep:

BB: It's also sort of about the day I was born. There was a terrible flood, and we had to evacuate the hospital almost immediately after I was birthed. We got on a life raft and ending up floating in a forest for about six days until help arrived. I don't remember it at all but the experience still had a profound effect on me.

CMFCG: I've listened to the album several times now, and I've gotta say, it's amazing.

AL: Thanks, it means a lot to us.

RM: I put a lot of my heart and soul into that record, in fact, it took quite a while to ge the creativity flowing to create such songs as Bunny Rabbits and Flannel Shirt.

CMFCG: I'd imagine!

Now, if you don't mind me asking, where is Birdie McSun?

RM: He is visiting some Tibetan monks to master martial arts and get in touch with his spirituality.

CMFCG: So that means he won't be joining us tonight?

AL: He might. The monastary is only a couple blocks down the street.

CMFCG: What was the inspiration behind the song Milk?

BB: Well one time me and my old friends were walking around a farm with cows at night. One guy started milking a cow out of nowhere. I was really grossed out at first, but slowly I began to realize how beautiful it was. It's really crazy. This stuff, it gives life! Nursing. Beautiful, really.
CMFCG: The song "Vegetables" off of Sailboats In The Forest is particulary interesting. Do you guys have any thoughts on fast food?

BB: It Birdie were here he would write you a fucking novel on the subject! Personally, I try to stay away from it. I love Thai!

CMFCG: Are you guys working on any new music? What do you have planned for the future?

BB: We are actually going for a different style for our next full-length. I'm not really supposed to say anything, but there may be a cameo or two from other collective artists. Let's just pray this shit does not get leaked before release date, it could really hurt our sales.

RM: Anyone who leaks this stuff is facing the wrath of Ricky Martini yo.

AL: We definitely intend to push our sound into a whole new dimension.

CMFCG: Any final remarks?

RM: Fuck the leaf village.

AL: Stay fresh guys. Remember, you are your own people. Never let anyone tell you what you can or can not do!

BB: No. Nothing is final. Everything is eternal, man.

CMFCG: Thank you for your time.

You can stream and/or download Tall Building's new album, Sailboats in the Forest here.